help me.. someone

You're by no means alone in your fear - a lot of people who have posted here have felt (or feel) the way you do. Let's put it this way - I used to play mind-games with myself along the lines of "if I could prevent a nuclear catastrophe by seeing a dentist, would I go?" and the answer was "no way!". Literally. Same for "would I rather be dead or see a dentist?" - rather be dead, of course. I know this sounds really bad, and it's not really possible for anyone who hasn't suffered with an extreme phobia to understand. Shame and embarrassment are extremely common among people with a dental phobia - on our website, it is perhaps the most requested page of all.

I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything all right for you. Obviously, I can't.

There is no reason to feel ashamed. These things happen, and you can't turn back the clock.

What I would maybe suggest is to find a qualified psychologist you like who will work with you. Preferably someone who specializes in anxiety disorders and who deals with dental phobics on a regular basis, and has a "tame" dentist on hand who is prepared to work with you as a person and who is guaranteed not to judge you on the state of your teeth.

You've already taken the first step by posting here - it must have been very hard to even look up this site, never mind ask for help. You should feel very proud of yourself!!

I don't know if the idea above (enlisting the support of a counsellor) is a runner with you? If you're not keen on the idea, it's no problem.

Thanks for joining this board !

I had lots of psychological help when my dad left.... so its nothing new to me...
I feel like such a baby.. im sobbing writing this.
I think maybe that idea is the best.. I had no idea that people who deal with phobias are going to have a list of people to help work on me as well.

I must have spent so much money on temparin to plug the holes up that id have enough to buy myself a new wardrobe.. The only problem is... it comes out so fast and i feel even morescared when they do fall out.

My boyfriend has to have his jaw broken and reconstructed because his bottom jaw is sticking out further than his top.. kinda like a bulldog... and when i think at how calm he is about this kind of thing.. hes not scared at all.. i feel even more stupid.. and pathetic.

I wouldnt know where to begin to find a psychologist who can help me.. who also knows various people who can help me....

thanks so much

I was wondering what the possible treatments are for holes in the teeth... big holes in the teeth that you can fit ur tongue into.. i havent been to a dentist since i had a root canal 2 years ago and am unsure of what to expect if i ever did have to go to a dentist in an emergency. It might make me feelbetter to warn someone before i made an appoitment of the severity of my dental condition.

Hi Soscared,

First of all you're absolutely not stupid or pathetic for having these problems! You sound like you've been through a tough time when younger, I too suffered panic attacks but I didn't have the worries of a parent leaving the house. I also got a horrible taste/smell in my mouth and I thought my teeth were rotting away. I felt (and still do feel) around my mouth with my tongue, and because I had (and still have in some places) lots of tartar buildup my tooth definition lots itself a bit. I don't know if you have lots of tartar but I have just started to look at my teeth and have seen I have a lot more than I thought. I believed half my teeth were just falling apart but it seems most of it is tartar that has chipped away and stuff. My lower front teeth were yellow and I thought they were dying and would have to be removed, but there not

I really know how difficult panic attacks are, I had them chronically for a good couple of years, pretty much all day every day. They are much better now but the fear of them coming back is still worrying, and I was worried about them appearing when seeing the dentist.

Huge hugs for finding this site. Pretty much all the posters here are dental phobics and realise that just saying or writing 'dentist' is petrifying. Have a good nose around here and you'll find you're not alone, we're all here with you and want to help you

Just wanted to mention that your mind is probably working overtime as mine was. For 10 years I had built going to the dentist up to this impossible, painful, traumatic event. Eventually I had enough of worrying and went to the dentist and found that is was really alright! When I got out of the appointment I wondered why I'd waited so many years to go, it really wasn't traumatic at all, didn't feel a bit of pain.

My advice would be to phone a dentist (if a friend or relative has a nice one, try them) and ask them if they're okay with nervous patients. Ask if you could go in for a quick chat. (My parents and one of my sisters went to mine, an NHS dentist, I didn't have a pre-examination interview but put on my form that I was very nervous and I believe this helped me to be treated nicely).

Honestly it sounds petrifying and I was scared when I phoned, when I picked up and handed in forms, and when I first sat in the chair. But once it got going I really don't know why I spent so many years worrying. In my head I'd built it up to be a big invasion of my space and a really intruding experience but in reality it was nothing like that. I stared at the ceiling while my teeth were being cleaned, I was a bit tense but there was no real reason why I should have been. It really didn't hurt, it felt a bit wierd but not bad at all.

I know in other posts I keep going on about how great it feels afterwards, but it really does feel good to get it seen to. It's a weight lifted off the shoulders, there's a huge feeling of achievement at having done it. It is tough to force yourself to go for that first appointment, but after the first one it gets a bit easier, it's not so much of a shock.

Anyway sorry for rambling on. Just wanted to say I really feel for you with your panic attacks but while you're suffering them it is really good to be asking for help for your teeth. I really wish I'd done the same, I wouldn't be where I was now if I had, you're doing such a good thing. Just remember the panic attacks are just a response to an imaginary stimulus, nothing bad will happen to you, just have to fight through them unfortunately. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you

I really hope you can phone a dentist for an appointment, and if you do I hope it goes really well for you. I really reckon that minds tend to make things seem a lot worse than they actually are. Also if you read through a lot of the posts on this site the whole idea of 'dentistry' seems a lot less scary. I used to hate watching toothpaste adverts on TV but I can now look at Dr Spiller's website (available through dental fear central links) with a real interest.

Sorry for rambling on a bit, I'll head off now. Wish you all the best!

Faye

Hi,

Just to add my two cents worth on how to find a suitable psychologist.

In the UK, working as a therapist/counsellor is unregulated. This means that anyone can hang out a shingle and call themselves a therapist or counsellor. This may include people who have had no training whatsoever and people who have done a brief counselling course as well as people who hold recognised qualifications.

It is therefore advisable to choose someone who is registered with a reputable body such as, for example, the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) or with the British Confederation of Psychotherapists (BCP). In order to qualify for registration with either of these two bodies, a therapist has to have completed a recognised training course and have on-going supervision. Both bodies operate a code of ethics and a complaints procedure, so there is some protection for clients.

There are then several ways of finding a therapist:

1. You could ask your GP to recommend one. Many GP practices work with local therapists; sometimes they are even based at the GP practice. (Also, if you can’t afford to pay to see a therapist privately, then going to your GP and asking for a referral to see one on the NHS will be your only option.)

If you see a therapist as a private patient, expect to pay from £30 upwards for a 50 minute session (though some therapists have a sliding fee scale and may offer lower fees if you can’t afford the full fee).

2. “Let’s” already mentioned that some dentists work together with a therapist (there is one dental practice in my town as well that does this). Therefore, another option of finding a therapist is phoning the dental surgeries in your town and ask if they liaise with a therapist for patients who suffer from dental phobia.

(If you find a therapist through your GP or a dental surgery, you can use the BACP and BCP registers mentioned below to confirm the registration status of the therapist.)


3. If you don’t want to discuss this with your GP and you can’t face phoning lots of dental surgeries, you can find a therapist through the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). Their web site is at : www.bacp.co.uk/

On the web site, look down the left-hand side and click on “Find a therapist”. Then either select a region from the drop-down menu or type in the name of a town. This then gives you a list of names of therapists. You can then place “ticks” in the boxes on the far right-hand side for those names where you’d like to see further information. Make sure you choose those that have the letters “BACP” in the “registration/accreditation” column (on my PC these are the names in blue).

You can then review their details, e.g. contact details, qualifications, experience, fees, therapeutic approach etc.

4. Alternatively, you can find a therapist from the web site of the British Confederation of Psychotherapists (BCP). Their web site is at: www.bcp.org.uk/

On the left-hand side, click on “Finding a Therapist” (this gives you a list of member organisations who can assist you in finding a therapist).

Or, also on the left-hand side, click on “On-line Register”. Then select a county from the drop-down menu and tick “adult trained”. The click the “search register” button. This way you get a list of names of individual therapists.

Some other points:

The BACP register gives the therapeutic approach used by each therapist, e.g. psychodynamic, person-centred, CBT, etc. It is useful to bear in mind that not all methods suit all people. For therapy to be successful it is important that there is the “right fit” between the therapist and the client.

If you want to know a bit more about the different approaches to help you decide which one might be best for you, there is an excellent book called “Who can I talk to?” (by Judy Cooper & Jenny Lewis). It is a guide that gives an overview of the various therapies and counselling services available in the UK. It outlines the theories behind the different approaches and gives checklists to help you find the therapy which will best suit your individual situation.-

You can obtain the book from Amazon ( www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0340620331/qid=1117038449/sr=1-4/ref=sr_1_8_4/026-0872796-2914012 )
or from your local library (if they don’t have it on the shelf, you can ask for it to be ordered for you from another library).

(When the guide was published it was endorsed by the BCP, BACP, Child Line, Cruse, Institute of Family Therapy, Institute of Group Analysis, MIND, Relate, Samaritans, Westminster Pastoral Foundation, Young Minds Trust.)

It is generally a good idea to interview more than one therapist on the phone or in person before making a final decision. Some therapists offer a free initial consultation. Think about the kind of questions you may want to ask, such as for example, what experience the therapist has with phobias in general and dental phobia in particular.

Some therapists will come with you to the dentist (when you’re ready to visit one) if you want this, others will not do this. Therefore, if this is important to you, it’s a good idea to establish whether this will be possible at the outset.


For the moment, I can’t think of anything else to add. If you have any questions, feel free to write back. And, as Let’s, Gordon, Faye, and Mile have already said – you are not alone with this.

G.



[edit: made link to Amazon live]

thanks so much everyone, after reading all of your replies... i decided to pluck up the courage and do something about it.... I showed my mum my teeth and asked her for an honest opinion.. and she said it wasnt half as bad as she expected.... she got in contact with a friend of hers who is a dentist (he drinks at the local pub with her every week) and asked him what my best options were.. He has a person working at his practice for people with phobias and i can be sedated.. go on valium etc... He is the dentist who fixed cliff richards teeth and still does! So i know im in good hands..

Looks like ive got an appointment tomorrow at 5pm

Buty its strange because im actually very positive about it.. Its so nice to know there are other people out there... and thanks faye - your words are very encouraging Panic attacks really do suck

I dont gag at the dentist btw.. its just a fear of being sick.. they might be 2 completely different phobias altogether.

thanks so much for all your support... ill tell you all how it goes tomorrow *Freaks out*

I'm glad to hear that you managed to tell your mum and get an appointment. Good luck tomorrow (not that you'll need it, from your description) ! Please let us know how it goes!

Congratulations and well done !!! Sounds like you got really lucky with your dentist. Keeping my fingers crossed that the x-rays turn out OK

Soscared, well done on your bravery in this matter. i also have panic attacks and bad teeth so can understand the immense trauma you have undergone. as everyone reading this will know; despair can be an overwhelming emotion but there are people here with hearts of gold and the patience of angels.
to make the steps you already have done shows that you have enormous courage and self-respect. you should be proud that your honest and emotional post has given great comfort and hope to a lot of the people who have read this thread. congratulations mate, all power to you.

wow keith, sounds like you had a lot of work! But you made it through ok so thats great

Its nice to know that my experience has offered some hope to other people.. Its nice that this place exists so that we can all have each other to support us.

I heard back from my dentist today and he told me i need 4 teeth out (3 are dead anyway) and one filling.. ONE FILLING.!!! i was shocked.. i was expecting much much much more than this.

My dentist wants me to be put out for the extractions but wants me to be awake for the fillingbecause he wants to help me confront my fear rather than just get knocked out every time! Hes a great dentist

My confidence has already boosted so much. Before i didnt like to talk to people.. I couldnt sing in front of people and now i just dont care. .Becasuse its being sorted. and ive confronted this fear. Ive even applied to go on a course for sign language and lip reading and eventually i want to study speech therapy.. Its amazing how something so tiny in my life, turned out to be such a big issue interfering with every day things.

I can smile again

That is fantastic !! I'm so glad you can get on with your life now. Sounds like you've got a great dentist - and it's great to hear that you need a lot less treatment than you expected.

Congratulations again !! Please let us know how you get on!