Hating those who try to help......

[SoSoScared]

Is it just me, or does anyone else actually find themselves hating the very people who are trying to get them over their dental phobia?

I sometimes think I am going crazy cos the whole dental thing, when I need treatment, takes over my life.

Anyone who I discuss it with who says 'you will be fine' winds me up to the point where I start avoiding them. Even worse are those who happily go to the dentist with no fear on a regular basis.

I hate them for allowing themselves to be tortured (as I perceive it) and I think 'if a few more of you refused to go because of the treatment you will get and the pain/humiliation you will suffer something would be done about dental treatment for all our benefits'.

These people think me crazy when I actually try and talk them out of going because I don't want them to be hurt!!! I am trying to protect them and literally beg them not to go!

I have read widely on this board now and believe the 'abuse' aspect applies to me. It is not the pain/needles, etc. it is the laying back in the chair and being made to endure something I hate.

It has helped to see that much at least, but still I see those who are trying to encourage/help me as actual or potential abusers. I have ended friendships because of this.

Anyone think there is any hope for me? I have had treatment in the past and it has not hurt, but I have never been able to conquer my fear and as such leave it as long as possible. I know I need work done but even though the appointment is a month away it plays on my mind constantly.

I hate the dentist and I have not even met him yet, and I will hate the people in the waiting room for putting themselves through torture without complaining.

Recently I accused my best friend of child abuse as he is taking his 13 year old to have teeth removed to have a brace. This caused a huge argument because naturally he feels he is doing the best for this son, and the son seems quite happy about it.

I on the other hand want to make him cancel the appointment so that the lad is not hurt. I thought about never speaking to him again as I see him as a 'child abuser' - stupid I know but just how I feel.

Can anyone relate to any of this or am I crazy? Only reason for it I can think of is my father insisting on pulling out my baby teeth and I can remember being restrained for this to happen and it hurting. Now I feel that the dentist is holding me down and deliberately hurting me. Never for one moment occurs to me that he is trying to help me, only that he wants to make me suffer.

Sorry - long rant - but would be grateful for anyone's thoughts.

Thank you.

[vicki]

Hi SoSoScared

SoSoScared said:

Is it just me, or does anyone else actually find themselves hating the very people who are trying to get them over their dental phobia?

I don't hate them, but it can be frustrating and I do feel very isolated at times because few people understand which is why this board is great because we're all going through (or have been through) similar things.

SoSoScared said:

Anyone who I discuss it with who says 'you will be fine' winds me up to the point where I start avoiding them. Even worse are those who happily go to the dentist with no fear on a regular basis.

People who say "you'll be fine" usually mean well and they are only trying to provide some sort of reassurance or support in the only way they know how. The problem occurs because you feel that they perhaps don't understand what it's like and that "they're just saying that" to try and make you feel better.

One of the things about dental phobia/fear is the perceived stigma that comes with it. In many cases this makes it nearly impossible to fully talk about your fears with someone else because it feels like it's just you and you might think you're crazy - and, more to the point, you think that they'll think you're crazy if you tell them how you REALLY feel. I am an excellent example of this ! The only people who know the full details of my situation are the people who read this board - I'm actually too scared and ashamed to tell a *real* person yet (but I'm working up to it). So therefore, to people who know me (including the dreaded dentist!), they probably know I'm 'nervous' but they don't know exactly how completely terrified I am or why. This means that the only way that others can help (as they see it) is to say things like "you'll be fine" - unless you tell them what's really going on.

SoSoScared said:

I have read widely on this board now and believe the 'abuse' aspect applies to me. It is not the pain/needles, etc. it is the laying back in the chair and being made to endure something I hate.

Sounds like you have control and trust issues?

SoSoScared said:

I hate the dentist and I have not even met him yet, and I will hate the people in the waiting room for putting themselves through torture without complaining.

Hate is a strong word for someone you haven't met yet... He could be completely harmless and a nice person who genuinely wants to help, couldn't he? I take it from your post that this appointment is with a new dentist?

Would it help if you viewed your appointment as a sort of blank canvas rather than painting a picture before you get there? If you go in there determined that you're going to suffer in some way, then this will probably cloud your judgement about the whole thing.

SoSoScared said:

Can anyone relate to any of this or am I crazy? Only reason for it I can think of is my father insisting on pulling out my baby teeth and I can remember being restrained for this to happen and it hurting. Now I feel that the dentist is holding me down and deliberately hurting me. Never for one moment occurs to me that he is trying to help me, only that he wants to make me suffer.

No... I don't think you're crazy - just scared like a lot of the people on here (including myself). Having your baby teeth pulled out must have been very scary - so I can see how dental appointments would represent something similar to that situation.